May 24, 2024

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Smells Like Teen P?

I’m working on writing something called “Smells Like Teen Puccini”, but it’s not what you think. It’s actually a travel piece flavored with Nirvana and opera.

But while we think we’re on the subject: hmmmmm …

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Oct 18, 2023

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Cucumbers: they’re not just for fucking!

Turns out cucumbers make you smell better, from your breath down to your toes.

By EATING cukes, not by fucking them. For real, keep foodstuffs out of your vag. If you do fuck a cucumber, put a condom on it.

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Mar 16, 2023

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Golden Age Lazy Pussy

Mmmmmm … I’m turning fifty tomorrow. FIFTY years old!

And I’m still intoxicated by the scent of my own cunt.

If you’re wondering if my organs are showing signs of aging, I’m also still popping eggs on the regular every month with a ~28 day cycle: sort of amazing considering how many women my age and younger complain they are in the midst of perimenopause with a whole host of unpredictable issues.

Today I’ve been waving my smelly fingers underneath my nose A LOT: my fingers that idly stroke and poke the folds and fur between my legs.

Smells like sweat, chalk dust, a soft little bit of onion … and something smoky and sweet.

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Oct 28, 2016

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Fall Emergen-C

I smell cunty in an intoxicating spicy way … a perfect fall way, like a musky bonfire of warm dry leaves, strong thick-sapped trees and boozy apple ciders for a splash of showy fuel.

Maybe it’s because I started drinking emergen-c again every day. Maybe it’s because I haven’t taken a shower in DAYS … not since before Delia and I had sex. Maybe it’s because of the masturbating I’ve done since then, too … even breaking one of her vibrators after she left on her trip.

My clothes are full of it … when my sloppy rub-worn short velvety dress swishes, I get a whiff of it. When I stand up from the computer to stretch and fold myself forward in a jacknife, I smell it.

And I want to KEEP ON smelling it. Keep on turning my head towards wherever the air has lifted it … keep on dipping my nose forward, trying to track it. It’s so alive, and so elusive when it’s airborne like this. No panties, just the friction of hair and thighs and movement that sometimes leads to spreading. That sometimes leads to leaping.

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Dec 19, 2015

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Smelly Pussy Expansion

Sorry the site’s a little broken right now; I’m working on adding new features here at stories, galleries, videos … and more posts in general!

Unrolling it is on hold right now while I learn the nifty plugin. Not sure if it’s the membership plugin or just a coincidence that broke the category and tag pages, but I have to figure that out and fix it. Then I need to deal with our payment processor’s objections to my “celebrity content” (it’s been years now and they still don’t grasp the concept of blogging or formatting a site with adult content any differently than the boring industry standard of a porn site) and tiny mentions of pee (like popcorn and pee, which isn’t even pornographic at all).

It may be awhile before I can get all of that straightened out and queue up a(n) (in)decent amount of smelly pussy posts and stories, but there will be PLENTY of stuff still accessible for free, for registered (free) guests, by inexpensive trial, BY INDIVIDUAL POST (so you can pay just for a single video, story, audio file, or picture gallery), or by membership!

You can become a FREE member right now!


Darn. Registration is one of the things that’s broken right now. I have much to learn!

Anyhoo, once it’s working you’ll be able to register for free, then upgrade or buy individual posts and have all of your content organized in one place. 🙂

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Dec 6, 2015

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Sweet & Smoky

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Dec 26, 2014

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Smelly in _Sharp Objects_

From a recent book, Sharp Objects (by the same author of Gone Girl), I read for pleasure, this was after the reporter did a naughty thing and fucked a pretty vulnerable younger man in a cheap motel room:

Woke up sticky and peevish. Bought a toothbrush kit at the FaStop, along with the strongest smelling lotion and hairspray I could find. I brushed my teeth in a gas-station sink, then rubbed the lotion into my armpits and between my legs, sprayed my hair stiff. The resulting smell was sweat and sex under a billowing cloud of strawberry and aloe.

Mmmmm . . . fake strawberries and spunk!!

I hope she didn’t put the lotion on her actual box, though, and just smeared it on her thighs. Otherwise . . . uncomfortable.

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Oct 5, 2014

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Hot Musk You Can TASTE!

I’m in love with Nick Offerman’s over-the-top celebration of having thick full odor-retaining pubes:

Nick Offerman on Full Bush on Conan

::Watch the video & get the highlights on Esquire::

Yessssssss! I know it’s supposed to be funny but I take it pretty seriously. Though I like it when people are shaved or trimmed when they want to be, you know I *love* hair: facial hair, body hair, pubic hair, armpit hair . . . I love it!

“The lower pudenda region is Mother Nature’s billboard. It should say, ‘Ready to Fuck.’ Not only should you not be trimming and shaving, you should be maintaining a swampy atmosphere that’s just shy of growing fungus. This is where life is born. You should be giving off a hot musk that you can almost taste.

I totally have a crush on this guy now and may finally watch Parks and Rec just because he’s in it.

His voice is hot, his face is beautiful and expressive, he’s funny, and he’s married to Megan Mullally who made Will and Grace worth watching the few times I accidentally turned it on and always wished the whole show was about her.

grizzly bearded Nick Offerman

So. HOT!!!

What a fucking hairy human dreamboat.

Rubbing my fingers through my own thicket, smelling my own hot musk and imagining being all tangled up in grizzled furry yummy-smelling man.

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Aug 20, 2014

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When we were fucking the air around us got warm and sweet and salty . . . like something delicious being cooked downstairs with just the softest warmest parts wafting upstairs to tease and invite us down to eat.


Not in an overpowering diner-greasepit at breakfast way (though I think the coconut oil we use as lube sometimes might have enriched the hot oil note) . . . it was just a suggestion of bacon (and I’m not just trying to capitalize on this century’s fiendish obsession with all things bacon). It was more of a salty canadian bacon / ham slice warming in a pan smell.

And it made Delia want a Hawaiian pizza. Which she NEVER wants.

I don’t know where the pineapple note came from either, because I hadn’t had any of that either.

Anyway . . . it smelled delicious. I wish I could convey the erotic subtlety of these aromas instead of what probably sounds like an overpowering greasy-spoon filled with construction workers jacking off on plates filled with crispy bacon. It was the kind of smell that makes you want to inhale deeply to get more of it, and follow the trail of scent to where you’d no-doubt find something delicious: MY PUSSY.

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