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Smelly in _Sharp Objects_

From a recent book, Sharp Objects (by the same author of Gone Girl), I read for pleasure, this was after the reporter did a naughty thing and fucked a pretty vulnerable younger man in a cheap motel room:

Woke up sticky and peevish. Bought a toothbrush kit at the FaStop, along with the strongest smelling lotion and hairspray I could find. I brushed my teeth in a gas-station sink, then rubbed the lotion into my armpits and between my legs, sprayed my hair stiff. The resulting smell was sweat and sex under a billowing cloud of strawberry and aloe.

Mmmmm . . . fake strawberries and spunk!!

I hope she didn’t put the lotion on her actual box, though, and just smeared it on her thighs. Otherwise . . . uncomfortable.

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Hot Musk You Can TASTE!

I’m in love with Nick Offerman’s over-the-top celebration of having thick full odor-retaining pubes:

Yessssssss! I know it’s supposed to be funny but I take it pretty seriously. Though I like it when people are shaved or trimmed when they want to be, you know I *love* hair: facial hair, body hair, pubic hair, armpit hair . . . I love it!

“The lower pudenda region is Mother Nature’s billboard. It should say, ‘Ready to Fuck.’ Not only should you not be trimming and shaving, you should be maintaining a swampy atmosphere that’s just shy of growing fungus. This is where life is born. You should be giving off a hot musk that you can almost taste.“

I totally have a crush on this guy now and may finally watch Parks and Rec just because he’s in it.

His voice is hot, his face is beautiful and expressive, he’s funny, and he’s married to Megan Mullally who made Will and Grace worth watching the few times I accidentally turned it on and always wished the whole show was about her.

What a fucking hairy human dreamboat.

Rubbing my fingers through my own thicket, smelling my own hot musk and imagining being all tangled up in grizzled furry yummy-smelling man.

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Work It (Funny Video/Song)

Thanks to my friend Mia for the heads up on another hilarious Ylvis video, this one perfect for featuring on My Smelly Pussy:

Your vagina is a self-cleansing muscular tract
with over 50,000 nerve cells ready to act
You gotta work it . . . (we’re not talking ’bout a traditional employment situation)

Ahhhhh . . . I love it.

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Pee on my Hand

I just got a little bit of my pee on my hand.

The smell reminds me of dry popcorn, the kind in the hardware store with the fake butter that you can get for free to make your kids shut up.

I think it’s not just the smell of my pee, but the smell of the palm of my hand and fingertips COMBINED with the dampness of a tiny bit of pee that makes a popcorn smell.

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‘OKTOBERFEST’

Scroll down to the announcements underneath Matisse’s column ton one titled ‘OKTOBERFEST’:

In Toi Sennhauser’s performance piece, audience members are invited to drink beer brewed with a trace amount of the artist’s own vaginal yeast.

I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so hard at the mention of vaginal yeast (because usually there’s nothing funny about it). Nice. Is it a joke? I’m tempted to go just to find out.

***** DEC. 1ST 2010: EDITED TO ADD: I recently googled the artist’s name and arrived at her site to discover photos and descriptions of her art which is just AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME to the point of bringing me to tears.

I’m trying to figure out what made me laugh upon reading the advertisement for the vag yeast beer, and I’m guessing just sheer delight at the subversiveness of it.

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